I have no idea where to begin, so I will just start writing. The overarching goal of my blog is to share the details of my relationship with my narcissist to include our early stages of dating, the cycles of abuse, the red flags that I (largely) ignored, the manipulation that I endured, the dozens of ‘break-ups and getting back togethers’, the violence and aggression, the lies, the more lies, his first arrest, his second arrest, the smear campaign which followed, the breaking of my trauma bond (finally), and the flying monkeys that continue to show up and attack me to this day.
I guess it makes sense to start at the end and very briefly explain just the last year or so of my almost six-year relationship with my narcissist. I promise that I will explore and expand on each of the events in much greater detail in subsequent posts, but this abridged version of the downward spiral should provide adequate context to understand my story.
Assault 1 - The Basics
My narcissist was twice arrested and charged with assault and harassment due to his violence, and both times his case never went to trial and his record was expunged due to my empathy and naivete.
The first time my narcissist was arrested was in November 2021, just two months after we moved in together and blended our families after four-plus years of dating (he had two kids from a previous marriage and so did I). With the first arrest, my narcissist was so heavily intoxicated that he doesn't even remember the events of the night – but I do.
He came home late from a Tuesday night bender with a coworker (‘bender’ is a term he used to mean ‘drinking to extreme intoxication/ passing out’) and, after breaking down our bedroom door (I locked it because I didn’t want to deal with him pawing at me all smelly and drunk), he started to hit and shove me. He slammed my head against the hardwood floors knocking me out and causing a head injury. (I did not seek medical care at the time because I knew that the police could subpoena my medical records and I was trying to protect him, but at a subsequent appointment, my physician told me that it looked like I had fractured my skull).
After being released from his overnight stay in jail, you would have thought he might have behaved himself. But not him. My narcissist broke his bond, came back to our home, and urged me not to testify against him. Long story short, to protect him, his job, and our newly forged family, and to not look like a fool in front of our community, I agreed to not testify against him in hopes that his charges would be dropped. In my state, the District Attorney (DA) will often drop the charges if the victim refuses to testify because the case is too hard to win. At the preliminary hearing, I told the DA that I wanted the charges to be dropped. With no witness to testify, the charges were dismissed, and, with my help, my narcissist had his record expunged for the first time.
His arrest and charges were put in the newspaper. We live in a small town, so within a few hours of the article's publication, my phone was blowing up with texts and missed calls. We told our family and friends that we had called the police for help because he was having a bad reaction to a steroid prescribed to him for asthma and, in turn, the police arrested him. I doubt many people believed our story (I wouldn't have), but at least he was not in jail and our newly formed family wasn’t severed.
Before I agreed to cover for him and drop the charges, I made him promise me three things: 1) stop drinking, 2) enroll in counseling, and 3) attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. He agreed to all these stipulations, and for a brief moment, it seemed that we had a second chance to make our family work.
