The PFA and Court Hearing

I sought the guidance of a lawyer right after the second assault, and he told me that I had to file a PFA. I remember feeling terrible at the thought of having to file a PFA against someone I loved. I still (foolishly) thought that maybe he could get help and our marriage could work. I loved him and loved our family. I was very scared for his children and what might happen to them. I was immediately awarded a temporary PFA. In my state, you are issued a temporary PFA and then, later you must go to court and argue for a permanent one.

On the day of the permanent PFA court hearing, my narcissist came in wearing his wedding ring and crying. He looked at me with love and remorse. I was crying too and reaching for him. I loved him so much and thought that we would stick together like last time. His defense lawyer explained to my lawyer that, since my narcissist was a professor who obtained outside funding to study violence and PFAs (oh the irony), he would lose his funding and possibly his job if he had a permanent PFA issued against him. His lawyer pleaded with us to drop the PFA to a Civil No Contact order. Against the recommendation of the judge, I agreed to this goodwill gesture.

Two weeks later, the case went to court. My narcissist was being charged with Simple Assault (and, after my medical records were entered, the charge was probably going to be elevated to Aggravated Assault) and Harassment.

If found guilty, he would likely spend some time in jail and lose his job. His defense lawyer, again, asked if I would show a goodwill gesture and let my narcissist go through a Violence Diversion Program (similar to these ones) instead of a formal trial. Still thinking of his future and his children’s wellbeing (and not realizing how nefarious he was), I agreed to let him go through the Violence Diversion Program on the condition that he gave me an apology. He met me in the hall of the courthouse, held on to his wedding ring, looked me in the eyes, and said, “I am so sorry,” and cried those tears that I have since realized are crocodile.

I was still hopeful that our marriage might be salvaged or, at least, he could go on to live a good life with his kids and we could be friendly in the same community. After all, I loved him and his boys, and I wanted to do what was best for them.