Once the Wicked Witch was revealed for who she was and killed, it was like the curse was lifted and her flying monkeys’ eyes were opened. Not only did these malicious beasts no longer torment kind Dorothy and crew, but they actually handed her the late-witch’s broom to take to the Wizard.

There is no surefire way to disband the narcissist’s flying monkeys and make the scat. But, if you recall from The Wizard of Oz, what ultimately made the Wicked Witch’s critters scatter to the four winds and no longer torment Dorothy & Co. was a simple bucket of water.

This led me to consider what might serve as the proverbial bucket of water to make the flying monkeys stop tormenting victims of narcissistic abuse. The bad news is, I don’t think there is any one thing that will work on ALL types of monkeys, and, since each situation is so different, there is no magical bucket of water to make the flying monkeys flee. 

The good news is that using various buckets of water might work, at least on some of the flying monkeys. In my next several blogs, I would like to highlight some of the buckets of water that I threw on my narcissist’s flying monkeys to make them back down and leave me alone – at least most of the time.  

The most effective bucket of water that I found is also the simplest in theory but most difficult in practice –  ignore, ignore, ignore. 

Flying monkeys are nothing more than adult bullies who feel bad about themselves so they want to take their hurt out on you. Like the narcissist, they are highly reactive and driven by rewards/ punishments. Your attention and reactions give them dopamine hits (i.e., rewards). Ignoring them or acting like their words and deeds impact you zilch denies them that dopamine hit they so badly covet, and often it will even make them feel even worse about themselves because they realize that they are powerless. Moreover, the narcissist is highly transactional, so if the monkey does not help the narcissist to accomplish their goal of tormenting and revictimizing you, the narcissist will drop the monkey like a hot potato. 

Even better – if you can couple ignoring them with acting with the utmost confidence in front of them – that will really get their dander up.

They want to beat you down, demolish your self-esteem, and crush your confidence. If you have to interact with them, ignore any rude or hurtful comment or action, and show the utmost confidence (or fake it until you make it – even if you are shaking in your shoes, don’t let them know it). 

How It Played Out for Me

In my case, one of the biggest bullies was Jennifer. What did I do? Anytime I ran into her at an event, church, or party, I just pretended like she didn’t exist. If I was forced to interact with her, my responses were curt and to the point. I never avoided going into a room that she was in at a party or sitting in the pews next to her at church.

I made sure that she knew:

1. She did not have any control over my actions,
2. She did not have any control over my emotions, and
3. She did not have any control over my voice.

"If she said something even hinting at rude or bullying, I would ask her to repeat what she just said and ask her if she meant that to sound/ be rude.",  ~ Ekho

I only had to do that two times and she backed off. Soon, I noticed SHE left the room when I entered. SHE was visibly uncomfortable when I was around. SHE kept her mouth shut around me. In short, by me staying above the fray, it impacted this flying monkey’s actions, words, and emotions, rather than her impacting mine.

As stated, no single tactic will work on ALL monkeys, but this one was effective, for me, at least on some.