It has been almost two years since my narcissist was arrested (for the second time) for assault and harassment. And, today, some 20 months later, I got hit by another flying monkey.
A friend of mine was arranging a movie night with a group. One of my narcissist’s flying monkeys (Beth - a Gullible Gecko), responded vigorously and with venom against me (completely unprompted). The entirety of her texts were very mean-spirited, full of lies, and downright hurtful. And they speak loudly as to her character (or lack thereof).
Before I get into the lies that she spewed about me, I want to note how quickly Beth was to put these defamatory statements into text messages. My friend, Donavan, merely mentioned having a movie night, and that was enough for her to feel comfortable telling blatant lies and spreading unfounded gossip about me.
Interestingly, if you scrutinize the texts she sent, none of it is first-hand knowledge.
She, at no point, states that SHE witnessed me doing/saying anything she was accusing me of doing/saying. Instead, she ADMITTED that others (she even named the people - which is helpful for my lawsuit) told her this information and, yet, without firsthand knowledge (which she would never have since it is all baseless lies) she spread the gossip.
FOUR (UNFOUNDED) ACCUSATIONS FROM THIS GULLIBLE GEIKO
1. Abuse Went Both Ways
First, when Donovan suggested that my narcissist had physically abused me (as evidenced by my narcissist’s two arrests, the judge ordering him to complete a Violence Diversion Program, and medical records showing that I obtained a concussion and broken collar bone from his abuse), Beth said: “There are accusations of abuse on both sides.”
Interesting. Only ONE of us was arrested - twice. Only one of us was charged with assault and harassment - twice. Only one of us had to go through the Violence Diversion Program. And who was that? My narcissist.
On the other hand, only one of us was granted a PFA and Civil No Contact Order. Only one of us had physical injuries documented by police and medical professionals. And that was ME.
Yet, per this flying monkey, both of us are on equal grounds. This is misogyny and victim-blaming at best, and blatant willful ignorance and slander at worst.
2. Being Manipulative
I was accused, in her texts, of being ‘highly manipulative.’ This is another common misogynistic tactic used against women, particularly when they are victims of abuse. It is a way of shifting the blame from the abuser to the abused. “She was manipulative.” “She was opportunistic.” “She was crazy.” This is all textbook misogyny, and exactly what this flying monkey resorted to in her efforts to defame me. Mind you, in the text messages she sent, she never explains HOW I am manipulative, just that I am - again, promoting the age-old, anti-female myth that ‘women are manipulative.’
3. Threatening My Narcissist’s Kids
This one is particularly hurtful because of the great lengths I went in order to PROTECT my narcissist’s kids. I covered, not once but twice, for my narcissist so that he would not go to jail. His children had so many disadvantages. We live in a small, rural, conservative town, and their mom left their dad for another woman who, later, transitioned to a trans man, resulting in them being ostracized by many people in our community, sadly. Their dad was arrested twice for domestic violence and harassment and was struggling their whole life with alcoholism. I felt horrible for the kids and tried to give them a sense of stability and show them love. It was hard on them having a narcissist as a father, and I did not know what having a father in jail would do to them. Would they be teased even worse than they already were by their peers? Would they have even fewer friends? Would their mental health continue to deteriorate?
My narcissist - their dad - paid for most of their expenses (since their mom hardly made any money). Without his income, what would happen to them? These concerns were more prominent in my thoughts than my own safety and welfare. I put his kids FIRST and decided to drop the PFA order to a Civil No Contact Order and allow my narcissist to go through the Violence Diversion Program so that he could keep out of jail and maintain his professorship. To say that I threatened or harmed his children in any way is an outright lie and completely contrary to what I actually did. If anyone was a threat to the children, it was my narcissist.
4. Denying My Narcissist's Kids' Contacts, Medication, Glasses, Coats, Clothing, Etc.
Beth also accused me of refusing to give my narcissist’s children their basic clothing, coats, glasses, medications, contacts, etc. when he was arrested and removed from our marital home. Once released on bail, my narcissist was going around telling everyone that I lied and self-harmed. He was threatening my children and me with his lies. My lawyer, immediately, recommended that we do everything by the book since my narcissist was willing to lie to make himself look like the victim.
He was not allowed in our marital home because he assaulted me, and there was a court order denying him access. His property in the home - to include that of his children - belonged to HIM, and no one else. I could not legally give the children’s belongings to anyone but him.
My lawyer expediently contacted his lawyer and told him the protocol to retrieve his children's belongings that same day. I even emailed the protocol to the kids’ mom, Prissy. My narcissist would hear nothing of it and kept insisting that HE be allowed, unsupervised, into the house to retrieve the stuff. My lawyer explained, numerous times, why that was not permissible and the proper way to retrieve the belongings. My narcissist purposefully refused any of the legal, standard options.
Eventually, he agreed for me to deliver his and his children’s belongings to a mutual friend. I spent my evenings, with a broken collarbone and concussion, packing up his children’s belongings and hauling them to a mutual friend’s house. I did not have to do ANY of this. The proper protocol was for him to PAY for someone to come in, with the constable present, and retrieve the belongings agreed upon and approved by the court.
In the end...
Like everything else, my goodwill gesture towards my narcissist and his children was met with him twisting the story to make me the villain and him the victim. But this is exactly what narcissists do. And their flying monkeys take the bait – hook, line, and sinker - and revictimize the victim.
Beth is just one of his recruits - he found someone without ethics who would repeat gossip without even considering another perspective.
6 comments
Lauren
My ex husbands flying monkeys told my landlord that I wasn’t allowing him into the home for him to retrieve his belongs.. my landlord had a copy of the court order stating my ex wasn’t allowed within 500 feet of property. My landlord then sent me multiple messages telling me how unreasonable I was being and my ex need to be allowed to get his belongings. He asked me when he would be able to get his stuff I told him 3 years or he could have his family get it or go through the proper court channels. Still not sure how I became the villain in the story when everybody had a copy of the order and it was still my fault
My ex husbands flying monkeys told my landlord that I wasn’t allowing him into the home for him to retrieve his belongs.. my landlord had a copy of the court order stating my ex wasn’t allowed within 500 feet of property. My landlord then sent me multiple messages telling me how unreasonable I was being and my ex need to be allowed to get his belongings. He asked me when he would be able to get his stuff I told him 3 years or he could have his family get it or go through the proper court channels. Still not sure how I became the villain in the story when everybody had a copy of the order and it was still my fault
Fantasia
Is she a Trumper? Sounds like something a Trumper would say – blame the victim and stand up for the abuser.
Is she a Trumper? Sounds like something a Trumper would say – blame the victim and stand up for the abuser.
Sam
You should have asked that flying monkey “Oh, if the abuse went both ways, why didn’t he just go into the house and get his kids’ belongings?” Would be interesting to see how she wiggles her way out of that one.
You should have asked that flying monkey “Oh, if the abuse went both ways, why didn’t he just go into the house and get his kids’ belongings?” Would be interesting to see how she wiggles her way out of that one.
Theresa
I am so sorry you went through that. What a loser. She must be not right in the head to do something like that. Who goes around spreading lies like that?
I am so sorry you went through that. What a loser. She must be not right in the head to do something like that. Who goes around spreading lies like that?
Eric
People are really awful. Cannot believe someone would do/ say that. Misogynists are everywhere and often it is WOMEN who revictimize female victims of abuse. Shame on her.
People are really awful. Cannot believe someone would do/ say that. Misogynists are everywhere and often it is WOMEN who revictimize female victims of abuse. Shame on her.
Danielle
You should sue her. This is unacceptable.
You should sue her. This is unacceptable.