I was watching another video by Dr. Ramani, my go-to guru for all things narcissist, entitled “How to Heal from a Narcissistic Relationship When There Is No Justice.” 

She rightfully points out that, in movies and books, the ‘bad guy’ mostly gets what they deserve. The narcissist will be found out by a clever judge who, then, awards the non-narcissistic parent full custody. Or friends will suddenly see the narcissistic wife for who she is, and support the victim husband. Or the wife breaks free from her narcissistic husband and goes on to live a wonderful life with her new partner, while the narcissist loses everything. And these types of endings leave the reader or the viewer satisfied. Justice has been restored, wrongs have been made right, and the narcissist is exposed for who they really are. 

Ready for the kicker? This rarely happens in real life. We all want to see justice served and, in many ways, are even programmed through pop culture to expect justice, but in real life, justice is rare. More often than not, the narcissist moves on with few to no repercussions, family and friends sympathize with the narcissist and maybe even turn on the victim, and the narcissist maintains their job, social circle, family, etc. Meanwhile, the victim is often smeared, scapegoated, traumatized, revictimized over and over again, and left to sort out how in the hell things got to this point - frequently alone without any support. 

Since I started my blog and online social media groups, I have heard one story after another about how the victim’s life was ruined while the narcissist went on to live a life with few to no consequences.

I have spoken with parents who the narcissist has alienated from their children. Daughters who are no longer on speaking terms with their parents because the narcissist convinced them that the victim was the problem. Brothers who no longer speak to their siblings because their narcissistic ex spread lies to get the victim’s brothers and sisters to turn on them. Wives and husbands whose narcissistic ex convinced their friends, typically over a long period of time without the victim even knowing, that the victim was the abuser and problem in the relationship. I have heard it all, and see it all to often.

Even in my own case, my narcissist managed to convince quite a few people that I was the toxic one, the abuser, the narcissist - and he was the victim. There was overwhelming evidence to show that my narcissist was and is a terrible person, but as my narcissist used to like to rub in my face “he is charming and charismatic, and I am like a bull in a china shop.” Translated into more blunt language, he is manipulative and willing to tug on people’s heartstrings, and I am raw, unfiltered, and will speak my mind. Unfortunately, being genuine has not always gained me many friends, but that does not bother me anymore. The right friends are in my life, and the faux ones are snarling at my Facebook posts.

My narcissist has retained his professorship and, get this - one of his areas of research is violence and PFAs. He has been arrested and charged TWICE for domestic assault and harassment, and because I am an empath, I dropped the charges both times after he completed a Violence Diversion Program. On the one hand, this allowed him to stay out of jail and provide for his two children who suffered terribly throughout their lives due to their parents’ poor decisions. On the other hand, it let a serial abuser continue to research abuse. I read that, oftentimes, people go into a career that reflects their skeletons in the closet. A career criminal will go into criminology. A narcissist will go into psychology or psychiatry. An abuser will study abuse, etc. Unfortunately, in real life, the abuser will never face anything that even approaches justice. 

Here is the good news. Karma is real.

The narcissist has to wake up every day to a life devoid of meaning or love or care or community or compassion. A flying monkey is mostly recruited because they feel bad about themselves and are jealous of their target - much like a bully. They have to live with themselves, and that may be punishment enough. On the other hand, I feel that I have won. I live a wonderful, beautiful, meaningful life surrounded by good and caring people. And, for me, that is winning enough. 

Ekho 1/ Flying Monkeys 0

Ekho 1/ Narcissus 0