I have read a little bit about narcissists and pets. Narcissism is a spectrum and, similarly, how narcissists treat and feel about animals falls on a spectrum, too. So there is no one-size-fits-all description of how narcissists relate to pets – some love them, some hate them.
My narcissist HATED animals. I mean he loathed them.
He viewed them as little more than annoyances, and he held great contempt for anyone who cared for animals. Many of the women at our Church were ‘cat ladies.’ He held a special level of contempt for them. In person, he would gush over pictures of Trixie and Cuddly Kat, but at home, he would say the most hateful and vile things about not only the animals but the people who cherished their pets. He viewed showing love and care towards animals as a sign of weakness and a moral failing.
Yet, he was crafty. He did not want people to know that he hated animals. In our social circle in general and Church in particular, not liking animals would have been received with raised eyebrows. Rather than just keeping quiet or saying little when the topic of animals emerged, he PRETENDED to love animals and, to justify why he had none, he made up an animal allergy. While I believe he did have a mild allergy to cats, he exaggerated his allergies as an excuse for not having a pet. This resulted in him 1) having a solid justification for not having any pets; 2) gaining sympathy from the congregation and friends who were ‘so sad’ that my narcissist suffered from his allergies; and, 3) being looked at favorably by people who loved pets.
Since his public image was of the utmost importance, the lies were well worth the gain in his opinion.
A few incidents, in particular, stand out as telling of his character and hatred for animals.
First, when he would make his annual trip to visit his parents some 1500 miles away (also read: Narcissus and Mommy), he would often storm out of his parent’s home and spend the night in a hotel mid-week. More than once, the catalyst for him leaving was his dad’s dog - a beloved family pet that my narcissist hated. He was irritated that they did not lock the dog up in a kennel the whole time he visited and even accused his father of loving his dog more than his grandkids - a baseless accusation.
Second, when he assaulted me and was arrested, the second time, he would send text messages to two of his flying monkeys, Fanny and Ron, about how when this was all over he was excited for his ‘good friends to help him find a dog in their honor.’ Fanny and Ron are animal people and have over a dozen cats. My narcissist held great contempt for them – for years – because of their love of cats, calling them vile names. I always defended Fanny and Ron but can you guess who they sided with? Of course, my narcissist. He would often laugh about how he would send them a text message here or there to appeal to their love of pets and the Church and turn them against me. Of course, when he sent them the text, Fanny and Ron just gushed that he was going to adopt a pet in their honor. That was almost two years ago - the honorary dog has yet to be adopted. Sigh.
Third, my loyal friend, who saw through my narcissist’s nefarious ways much quicker than I did, said that the ONLY person her elderly dog has ever not liked was my narcissist. She told me that her loyal companion growled at him, something she had never seen her doggie do before or since. I guess dogs really do have a sixth sense and can tell if a person is up to no good.
